Circadian

by Letitia VanSant

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1.
I didn’t run, I didn’t scream I didn’t want to make a scene Too many years I’ve kept the peace You can’t put my fire out Too long you’ve lived inside my mind You paid no rent, you stole my time Now I’m taking back what’s mine You can’t put my fire out You never cease to poke and prod Enumerate my every flaw But you can take it up with God You can’t put my fire out I taste your words inside my mouth Like broken glass I spit them out I’m the one who’s speaking now You can’t put my fire out I’m taking back my apologies for every time that you hurt me Your red hands I can plainly see You can’t put my fire out Well something set my heart ablaze Now your shouting only fans the flames I won’t listen til you say my name You can’t put my fire out
2.
Tin Man 04:19
Boltcutters, sledgehammer or a battering ram I even tried a few quick turns from a bent up bobby pin Tell me darling, why don’t you just let me in Am I banging on the hollow chest of a man made of tin There’s an emptiness inside you You don’t even know it’s there It was left off the blueprints Like the crawlspace under the stair Everybody says that you’re just the strong and silent type No one seems to understand that your pain becomes mine Red blisters, a few splinters, and a blackened eye You learned how to bite your lip cause daddy said boys don’t cry You tightened your grip and calloused up your hands Hoping once the work was done that he’d call you a man You’d hang around the shop sometimes at the end of a long day But he’d just lock away his tools, he never seemed to meet your gaze The feeling he denied you, you still are pining for But you don’t seem to understand that his pain became yours Ooo Even the tin man was searching for a heart Whenever people ask you, you’ve always said you’re fine But you’re the last one to know that you’ve been telling a lie Cause when you’re tossing in your sleep I hear the loneliness inside And you don’t seem to understand that your pain becomes mine Every morning you leave without saying goodbye Your coffee on the countertop growing cold by my side
3.
Watch the dying embers float to the sky Hear the creatures calling out soft and wild The silence doesn’t need my meaningless words Like plugging up a well with cheap fill dirt Holding this guitar makes me think of Tom He would open up the circle make you feel you belong A river flowing cleaves the stone apart This pain has carved a canyon into my heart Someone give me a song to sing that sounds like something real I want the whole world to know exactly how I feel All of the hinges so stiff with rust I always thought that I just wasn’t strong enough Throw open the windows of my shuttered soul Let the thunder and the rain and the breezes blow We suffer from a wound, a wound called love From some other victim or God above It bleeds and it yearns, it festers and burns And music is the closest thing I know to a cure This vibration inside your throat It travels the air as a heavenly note I get this feeling deep in my bones When I sing with you I feel less alone The hotel lobby or the Grand Old Opry I only want to sing the truth I don’t care who’s listening out there I only want to sing with you
4.
Dig up the stubborn roots of the english ivy vines Sift through the yellowed papers and sort them into files Keeping things tidy now can help you fill the time That stretched out before you the moment your dream died The cupboards are bare it seems you’ve lost your appetite Life lost its sweetness along with your stillborn child The lines in the mirror growing deep and more defined Your glory faded long before it had the chance to shine Most of our dreams don’t come true And after that what do you do Seems the hardest part of letting go Is having nothing left to hold The seats all are empty now and the curtain is drawn No one’s here to witness if you’re right or if you’re wrong Can’t you find a reason now that you should carry on Backstage in the dark it’s between you and your God When you park the car and walk right past the sign that says dead end This is when your real journey truly begins This is when you leave behind all the petty things This is when you stand up tall and finally shed your skin
5.
Spilt Milk 05:41
6.
Circadian 03:19
The fireflies a-blinking cannot seem to find their mates The birds a-flying south cannot seem to find their way They’re blinded by the lights The city’s halo night And they’re lost and lonely as I am Sitting by the seaside hear the crashing of the waves The tidal flow keeps time with the passing of the days The beating of a drum It beckons you to come To dance to these rhythms circadian Just below the surface is a song Waiting for us to sing along The music the world made before we Drowned it all out with these machines Boxed wine and stories over candle-lit card cames The power went out and I learned my neighbor’s names The snow had fallen deep It quieted the streets And I felt a precious sense of peace
7.
The Hustle 03:27
You put full-color flyers on every pole in town Ran an ad in the paper and your best friend clipped it out On opening day the bright balloons all reached up for the sky Now they’re down on the ground getting kicked around by the people passing by Hold your head up high It’s fake it til you make it so try to crack a smile There’s no shortcuts on this road you chose so hang on another mile Put a spring in your step when your daddy co-signed the loan And you toasted a beer at Jenny’s on your way home Then he threw out his back trying to lift the fridge up the stairs And it would break his poor old heart to see all these empty chairs Well everybody told you if you build it they will come But no one said just who And no one said where from The hustle is a lonely place
8.
Driftwood 03:45
I should be a grateful heart For I’ve auditioned for the part I’ve mouthed the words and pious kneeled But I can’t change the way I feel My throat is parched my knuckles sore From endless pounding at the door No one answers anymore The fruit is rotten to the core See them swimming wild and free While I’m wading ankle deep Pick me up and toss me in See if I will sink or swim Why should I get out of bed When I must do it all again How should I arrange my time Can’t see the reason or the rhyme Behold the most majestic tree Branches yearning righteously I’m not thriving as I should Dry and hollow as old driftwood
9.
Rising Tide 04:33
This disease and its gnashing teeth It brings me to my knees Makes me bow before God I’m not proud that that’s what it took To make me believe what’s in every good book All these chemicals that made you sick Wanna find the man who made them and show this to him The long lonesome hallways and the ruined plans The look in your eyes and the trembling hands I tried to be patient like my mother but I can’t be We ran aground now honey, sit tight and hope we’ll float out on the rising tide You said the breeze it feels oh so sweet But you must be getting old cause it’s something old folks say As a measure of time well, what good is age It takes so many years to learn to hold on the days They can pour all this money down the hole in your side But all the money on wall street these tears can’t dry They’ve got plans for our pockets, cigarettes for our lungs Poison for our babies and bullets for our guns I am a cog in this machine That ruins lives of people unseen I can’t stop it but Lord, let me try It’s a sad, sad feeling comes to visit at night

credits

released February 21, 2020

Produced by Neilson Hubbard
Recorded by Dylan Alldredge at Skinny Elephant Studio in Nashvile, TN
Will Kimbrough - guitar, electric guitar, mandolin
Juan Solorzano - guitar, pedal steel, slide guitar, organ
Michael Rinne - bass
Mia Rose Lynn - harmonies
David McKindley-Ward - harmonies
Album cover photo - Alyssa Stokes
Headshot photo - Shervin Lainez w/ help from Amanda Coen

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Letitia VanSant Baltimore, Maryland

Letitia VanSant is a singer-songwriter from Baltimore, Maryland.

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